GABI speaks to Strongest Story on learning about life from Jenna, living courageously and simply telling the story - the brutal truth in all it’s terrible beauty…

“There was always hope our daughter would leave hospital alive – that she’d return home with the brand new lungs she’d fought so hard for and start a life free of suffering, but Jenna never made it out of hospital. She passed away just four months shy of her 21st birthday – a tragedy made all the more poignant as she’d captured hearts across the country with her #GetMeTo21 campaign.

While Jenna’s journey may be familiar to many, what you know is just the tip of the iceberg. The book goes into brutal detail of what Jenna and our family went through. This is the whole story, warts and all. I’ve been very honest and that felt important to me, because there’s so much to be learnt from what we went through. The book describes the 187 grueling days leading up to Jenna’s death and how our family scrambled to get her to Johannesburg from our home in Cape Town after the donor was found, and up to the moment she took her last breath.

Reliving Jenna’s traumatic illness was tough. I cried; I shook. Sometimes I had to vomit. It really was like processing the trauma.

Recounting the days when Jen was in and out of ICU and theatre after the transplant, was hectic. It’s insane what she went through. When I say it was dramatic, I’m not being dramatic at all. But this heartache hasn’t stopped our family from promoting organ donation.

I think I’ve made it very clear in the book that regardless of how much Jenna suffered, I’m still a big advocate of organ donation and of transplants. Many people have had very successful transplants.

It’s been really hard since we lost Jenna. The pain of losing a child is indescribable. We’ve worked very hard to be functional. We communicate a lot. We’ve all done therapy, meditation, yoga, talking, and everything we can possibly do. I think after everything we’ve been through, our barometer for what’s normal is different to everyone else’s. We’ve had to develop resilience in a big way.”

“Western society, school, our parents don’t equip us to deal with real life. We fear death. We fear illness and we fear, really fear, disability. It felt as if every mother was looking at me and thinking “Thank God that’s not my child.” Well, you know what? Thank God she was mine. It was an absolute privilege to be the mother of this incredible young human being. I lay in bed wondering where, in the myriad of parenting books I had read, did they tell you that you cannot take your children’s pain away? Where did you learn that? And why not? What was the point of loving so deeply if you couldn’t protect them? It felt so unfair and cruel. The layers of pain, complexity and challenge that my children had to bear. All I could do was bear it with them. I also thought about what it might feel like for my mother, for her as a parent to watch what I was going through, to witness my extreme pain. The reality is that we don’t get to protect each other from suffering. Life will come at you and your loved ones in so many different ways no matter what you do. You don’t get to control it. What you can do is teach them how to deal with it, how to cope, how to live a life that matters in spite of pain and loss.”

A personal message from Strongest Story: 

I have heard Gabi speak to many large and small audiences; and each time it tugs at my mothering heart strings to imagine the epic battle that Gabi fought alongside her daughter Jenna. To watch Gabi draw on her deep personal experiences, shows how psychological and emotional resilience are the vital, yet sometimes elusive, ingredients that, despite all odds, make the difference between surviving and thriving. Audiences are left inspired, moved, profoundly changed and better equipped to find meaning in their lives and to cope with whatever life throws their way. Gabi , your storytelling is engaging and riveting, and you bring an authentic depth of compassion, courage and insight. Strongest Story thanks you for sharing Jenna with us all and for teaching us by example; how to thrive in the face of all kinds of adversity.